Gottman Method

Few things feel more unsettling in a relationship than trying to talk about something important and being met with silence.   In relationships, stonewalling occurs when one partner withdraws from a conversation rather than remaining emotionally engaged. It can look like silence, shutting down, avoiding eye contact, leaving the room, or becoming emotionally unavailable.  

Intro: Defensiveness is a complex relationship pattern because it hurts both people in different ways. The person trying to be heard often feels dismissed, unheard, or alone. The person becoming defensive is often feeling afraid, misunderstood, criticized, or unsafe. To understand why defensiveness hurts relationships, we need to understand both experiences.   If you’d rather

The loneliness underneath criticism — and a better way to start difficult conversations   Criticism is one of the most common patterns couples experience during conflict.   Most people recognize criticism by the way it sounds: Because criticism can feel so painful, it is easy to assume that criticism begins with anger.   Often, it

A simple framework couples can use to recognize when conflict escalation is moving the nervous system “downstairs.” Most couples do not begin difficult conversations hoping the interaction will become hurtful or emotionally overwhelming.   In many relationships, arguments begin with a genuine attempt to: feel heard solve a problem express frustration reconnect emotionally reduce ongoing

Most couples don’t come in asking for theory. They come in asking for something simple: “Can you just give us a tool so we stop arguing?” By the time couples reach out for therapy, they’ve usually already tried: defend yourself correct the story explain your intention move to problem solving Especially if you feel criticized.

Communication is one of the most common reasons couples seek help.   Many couples come in saying:   Over time, these patterns can begin to feel discouraging.   Conversations that once felt easy now feel tense. Small issues turn into larger conflicts. And both partners can begin to feel like they are not being heard